Hi friends! It’s Christmas Eve and I’m here to officially check off a goal I set myself: to write something once a month and keep this newsletter going all year. I’ve done it! Maybe that seems like a low bar, but writing is hard under the best of circumstances, and neither my brain or the world in general have been the best of circumstances for a while, so I’m quite proud to have made good on this one thing I wanted to do. I appreciate all of you who have read For Your Considergaytion, shared it, and let me know you liked it. It means a lot!
Since this newsletter kicked off last year with some thoughts on Happiest Season, it seems only right to see where we’re at in the world of the queer holiday rom-com a year later. My time this month and my access to the breadth of films in this category have been limited, so this is just a snapshot of one bisexual’s holiday viewing experience. (This is mostly to say that I unfortunately have not had a chance to see Lifetime’s Under the Christmas Tree). But here are a few of the film gifts I did get to unwrap this month!
Single All the Way
Sorry… who’s this one for?
Though in no way as buzzy as Happiest Season was last year, posts trickling into my online spaces seemed to point to Netflix’s Single All the Way as the best new gay offering of the season. Desperate not to deal with his family’s disappointment that he is once again single, Peter begs his best friend and roommate Nick to come home with him for Christmas. Once there, Peter’s mom sets him up with her trainer, and the more time Nick spends with Peter’s meddling family, the clearer it becomes that he wants to be the one who’s dating Peter.
At best, I found this movie bland, forcing us down formulaic paths instead of developing the chemistry and charm that would lead us along a cozy and familiar road of holiday romance tropes naturally. At worst, it’s a cautionary tale about how dropping a non-white love interest into an otherwise entirely white film is not the progressive move you think it is. With all due respect to Philemon Chambers, who plays Nick and is perfectly lovely, the failure to develop Nick’s interiority is glaring. He appears to have no friends beyond Peter, and no family beyond a mother who is mentioned to have passed away. Peter not only pushes Nick into coming home with him, he steamrolls right over the one boundary Nick asks for, which is to not pretend they’re dating (that bit gets dropped quickly, thankfully). And by the time we reach the end, after Peter initially balks at Nick’s love confession, I have no idea why Nick would invest his savings into making Peter’s dream come true, or why he would be so eager to move to this snow-white (in more ways than one) town and become a part of his family. Quite frankly, the story Peter tells about how they met (improv-ing a fake marriage at a gym to get a discount) is much funnier and more charming than anything we actually see in the movie. But Jennifer Coolidge is there, so I don’t know, gay rights I guess.
I can’t say that I recommend this movie, but I very much do recommend Trixie and Katya watch Single All the Way, because boy did I need to feel seen by other gay adults in the aftermath of this film. Next year, I’m asking Santa for a lineup of queer holiday films that doesn’t contain any that invoke references to Get Out. What an unfortunate thing to be two-for-two on in two consecutive years! This one at least doesn’t seem to have the gays prematurely mourning the death of an entire genre (I could dig into why that is, but I simply don’t have the time).
Christmas at the Ranch
It’s the thought that counts.
And I do mean that sincerely! From the director of I Hate New Year’s, which I wrote about in January, comes a similarly fumbling-but-well-intended Christmas rom-com with a tried and true premise you can probably guess from the title: Christmas at the Ranch. That’s right, big city girl Haley has to go back home to help sort out the finances when the family ranch is in danger of having to be sold off to some Doug Dimmadome type of fella. She kicks ass at her marketing job, but not so much at dating, and she carries the weight of losing her parents young, which makes it difficult for her to be as sentimental about the ranch as her Meemaw and her brother Charles (who, I must shout it, is played by the Blue Ranger himself, Archie Kao). There’s one other person Haley has to contend with when she gets home, and that’s Kate, the headstrong ranch hand who looks real cute in a stetson.
Haley and Kate get off on the wrong foot after they match on a dating app and meet each other under pseudonyms before finding out they’re connected by the ranch. Their connection ebbs and flows as their views on the fate of the ranch clash, but they continue to be drawn to one another all the same. “There was only one bed” fans, make some noise! The story is maybe a little lacking in substance. Similar to Single All the Way, there are some question marks around Kate’s background, which is vague enough that I was a little surprised when Haley was so insistent that Kate was screwing up by not reaching out to her family. I get that Haley is hurting from the loss of her parents, and in the end Kate does reach out to her family, but personally I would tread much more lightly if a fellow gay told me they hadn’t talked to their family in years.
Something I think this film does a good job of balancing the city girl/country girl dichotomy. Kate comes out strongly against the idea of Haley having a “social media emergency” (which, fair) but in the end, Haley is able to apply her knowledge of social media marketing (and, you know, a fortuitous chunk of change) to saving the ranch. And lastly, like with I Hate New Year’s, I must express my joy in seeing a mixed lead in this film, as well as her mixed family! Ultimately, Christmas at the Ranch is the kind of movie that I feel like is so much closer to cracking the code of “classic, cheesy, comfort movie for the holidays, but make it gay.”
When Harry Met Santa
All I want for Christmas is you.
The best gay holiday film of the year is, truly, a Norwegian postal service commercial. Posten Norge commemorated 50 years since the decriminalization of homosexuality in Norway by releasing a holiday ad so gorgeous and heartwarming, it’s worthy of a feature-length film. I’m going to describe it in the following paragraph, but I very much encourage you to give “When Harry Met Santa” a watch yourself if you haven’t already.
Harry accidentally runs into Santa delivering presents one Christmas night, and a spark is ignited. After that, Harry waits up for Santa every year, and every year, the two of them become closer. But Christmas is the only time they can see each other, and because it is, of course, the busiest night of the year for Santa, they don’t have much time together within that one night. This limitation takes a toll on Harry over time, until one year, Harry writes to Santa that all he wants for Christmas is him. That year, a postal worker shows up with a stack of gifts for Harry. When he brings the presents back inside, Santa is there. He’s enlisted help this year, in order to give the two of them more time together. After years of Christmases, they share a kiss.
The longing conveyed in this four-minute video is what I’m longing for all the time when I’m watching romance unfold in full-length movies and shows. But one of the greatest strengths of this commercial, and something that I’m coming to realize is woefully underused so far in attempts at gay holiday romance films, is the magic of it all. I want to be so swept up in the connection between two people that I’m all in on one of them being Santa Claus. I want the high-contrast pros and cons of the magic meaning that they only see each other once a year. I want that beautiful, rewarding moment of them making it work. Would it all fall apart if you stretch it beyond the four minutes? I like to think it wouldn’t. I’d love to know more about lovely, lonely, gay uncle Harry. I’d love to see what the rest of the year looks like for Santa. But as it stands, I got more than I ever expected to out of this commercial. Shout out to the Keep It! podcast for the recommendation, and a heartfelt bravo to Posten Norge.
And with that, I wish you all a happy, healthy holiday season. Can’t wait to experience more (and hopefully gayer) movies in the new year with you all!